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| The Grumbles - The 40 Perils And these are things that we as diners are all guilty of from time to time. Will hopefully entertain a little |
For Customers For Restaurants
1) Arrive more than 30 minutes late for a
booking or if you can't make it just don't
turn up
2) Spark up.
3) Ensure the staff are treated as if their
sole purpose in life is to serve you.
4) Engage in loud conversation so that
your fellow diners are aware of your
importance.
5) Complain in front of as many people
as possible.
6) Ask for more salt and pepper.
7) Visit as part of a large group and get
drunk before you go.
8) Don't pay the service charge, after all
it's not the law!.
9) Examine the cheese board and ask
for three cheeses they have not got,
same for the wine list.
10) Ask for more.
11) Expect something 'off menu' to be
prepared as you're a special customer
12) Tipping is for mugs.
13) Negotiate, offer to pay half.
14) Send back a dish if it's not up to
scratch, but only after you've eaten it.
15) Clunk your plate up and down if not
cleared within 60 seconds.
booking or if you can't make it just don't
turn up
2) Spark up.
3) Ensure the staff are treated as if their
sole purpose in life is to serve you.
4) Engage in loud conversation so that
your fellow diners are aware of your
importance.
5) Complain in front of as many people
as possible.
6) Ask for more salt and pepper.
7) Visit as part of a large group and get
drunk before you go.
8) Don't pay the service charge, after all
it's not the law!.
9) Examine the cheese board and ask
for three cheeses they have not got,
same for the wine list.
10) Ask for more.
11) Expect something 'off menu' to be
prepared as you're a special customer
12) Tipping is for mugs.
13) Negotiate, offer to pay half.
14) Send back a dish if it's not up to
scratch, but only after you've eaten it.
15) Clunk your plate up and down if not
cleared within 60 seconds.
16) Ring in advance of a fixed price
evening to negotiate better terms.
17) When you attend a chef's table
and they ask if there's anything you
don't eat, list as many things as
you can.
18) Pint of beer please.
19) I've booked the taxi for 2.30am,
is that ok?
20) But I always have table 11.
21) Tell the restaurant manager, at
some length, about your luxury
lifestyle.
22) Go to the toilet between
courses and spend a good 20
minutes in there.
23) Ask for souffle after you've
finished your cheese..
24) Hit on a waitress
25) Drink until you need to be
carried out or be sick on the carpet.
26) Be the last to arrive for service
27) Walk out if you're not happy, but
only when full and knowing they'll
remember you.
28) Faint if the price ever goes up.
evening to negotiate better terms.
17) When you attend a chef's table
and they ask if there's anything you
don't eat, list as many things as
you can.
18) Pint of beer please.
19) I've booked the taxi for 2.30am,
is that ok?
20) But I always have table 11.
21) Tell the restaurant manager, at
some length, about your luxury
lifestyle.
22) Go to the toilet between
courses and spend a good 20
minutes in there.
23) Ask for souffle after you've
finished your cheese..
24) Hit on a waitress
25) Drink until you need to be
carried out or be sick on the carpet.
26) Be the last to arrive for service
27) Walk out if you're not happy, but
only when full and knowing they'll
remember you.
28) Faint if the price ever goes up.
29) Arrive before service has begun,
those team meetings are really
interesting.
30) Expect treatment out of the
ordinary every time you go.
31) Prove you are bilingual.
32) Ask for a signed copy of the menu
from the chef as a keepsake.
33) You're helping them appreciate
respect by being rude and abrupt.
34) Tell the restaurant manager it's
your birthday or anniversary and
expect him to blink.
35) Tell them with ardour that their
Guide ratings will surely get better
and talk about worse places when
they don't.
36) It is a right to expect a table every
time you turn up on spec.
37) You can't be too careful, ask for all
types of meat very well done.
38) Write to the chef and copy a guide
when the front of house screws up.
39) I'd like a low fat, single shot, decaf
cappuccino, hold the mayo and make
it snappy.
40) Let the manager know you share
the same barber and petrify him
about his indiscretions.
those team meetings are really
interesting.
30) Expect treatment out of the
ordinary every time you go.
31) Prove you are bilingual.
32) Ask for a signed copy of the menu
from the chef as a keepsake.
33) You're helping them appreciate
respect by being rude and abrupt.
34) Tell the restaurant manager it's
your birthday or anniversary and
expect him to blink.
35) Tell them with ardour that their
Guide ratings will surely get better
and talk about worse places when
they don't.
36) It is a right to expect a table every
time you turn up on spec.
37) You can't be too careful, ask for all
types of meat very well done.
38) Write to the chef and copy a guide
when the front of house screws up.
39) I'd like a low fat, single shot, decaf
cappuccino, hold the mayo and make
it snappy.
40) Let the manager know you share
the same barber and petrify him
about his indiscretions.
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