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| The Grumbles - The 40 Perils And these are things that we as diners are all guilty of from time to time. |
For Customers For Restaurants
1) Arrive more than 30
minutes late for a booking
or if you can't make it just
don't turn up
2) Spark up.
3) Ensure the staff are
treated as if their sole
purpose in life is to serve
you.
4) Engage in loud
conversation so that your
fellow diners are aware of
your importance.
5) Complain in front of as
many people as possible.
6) Ask for more salt and
pepper.
7) Visit as part of a large
group and get drunk
before you go.
8) Don't pay the service
charge, after all it's not the
law!.
9) Examine the cheese
board and ask for three
cheeses they have not got,
same for the wine list.
10) Ask for more.
11) Expect something 'off
menu' to be prepared as
you're a special customer
12) Tipping is for mugs.
13) Negotiate, offer to pay
half.
14) Send back a dish if it's
not up to scratch, but only
after you've eaten it.
15) Clunk your plate up
and down if not cleared
within 60 seconds.
minutes late for a booking
or if you can't make it just
don't turn up
2) Spark up.
3) Ensure the staff are
treated as if their sole
purpose in life is to serve
you.
4) Engage in loud
conversation so that your
fellow diners are aware of
your importance.
5) Complain in front of as
many people as possible.
6) Ask for more salt and
pepper.
7) Visit as part of a large
group and get drunk
before you go.
8) Don't pay the service
charge, after all it's not the
law!.
9) Examine the cheese
board and ask for three
cheeses they have not got,
same for the wine list.
10) Ask for more.
11) Expect something 'off
menu' to be prepared as
you're a special customer
12) Tipping is for mugs.
13) Negotiate, offer to pay
half.
14) Send back a dish if it's
not up to scratch, but only
after you've eaten it.
15) Clunk your plate up
and down if not cleared
within 60 seconds.
16) Ring in advance of a
fixed price evening to
negotiate better terms.
17) When you attend a
chef's table and they ask if
there's anything you don't
eat, list as many things as
you can.
18) Pint of beer please.
19) I've booked the taxi for
2.30am, is that ok?
20) But I always have table
11.
21) Tell the restaurant
manager, at some length,
about your luxury lifestyle.
22) Go to the toilet
between courses and
spend a good 20 minutes
in there.
23) Ask for souffle after
you've finished your
cheese..
24) Hit on a waitress
25) Drink until you need to
be carried out or be sick
on the carpet.
26) Be the last to arrive for
service
27) Walk out if you're not
happy, but only when full
and knowing they'll
remember you.
28) Faint if the price ever
goes up.
fixed price evening to
negotiate better terms.
17) When you attend a
chef's table and they ask if
there's anything you don't
eat, list as many things as
you can.
18) Pint of beer please.
19) I've booked the taxi for
2.30am, is that ok?
20) But I always have table
11.
21) Tell the restaurant
manager, at some length,
about your luxury lifestyle.
22) Go to the toilet
between courses and
spend a good 20 minutes
in there.
23) Ask for souffle after
you've finished your
cheese..
24) Hit on a waitress
25) Drink until you need to
be carried out or be sick
on the carpet.
26) Be the last to arrive for
service
27) Walk out if you're not
happy, but only when full
and knowing they'll
remember you.
28) Faint if the price ever
goes up.
29) Arrive before service
has begun, those team
meetings are really
interesting.
30) Expect treatment out
of the ordinary every
time you go.
31) Prove you are
bilingual.
32) Ask for a signed
copy of the menu from
the chef as a keepsake.
33) You're helping them
appreciate respect by
being rude and abrupt.
34) Tell the restaurant
manager it's your
birthday or anniversary
and expect him to blink.
35) Tell them with
ardour that their Guide
ratings will surely get
better and talk about
worse places when they
don't.
36) It is a right to expect
a table every time you
turn up on spec.
37) You can't be too
careful, ask for all types
of meat very well done.
38) Write to the chef and
copy a guide when the
front of house screws
up.
39) I'd like a low fat,
single shot, decaf
cappuccino, hold the
mayo and make it
snappy.
40) Let the manager
know you share the
same barber and petrify
him about his
indiscretions.
has begun, those team
meetings are really
interesting.
30) Expect treatment out
of the ordinary every
time you go.
31) Prove you are
bilingual.
32) Ask for a signed
copy of the menu from
the chef as a keepsake.
33) You're helping them
appreciate respect by
being rude and abrupt.
34) Tell the restaurant
manager it's your
birthday or anniversary
and expect him to blink.
35) Tell them with
ardour that their Guide
ratings will surely get
better and talk about
worse places when they
don't.
36) It is a right to expect
a table every time you
turn up on spec.
37) You can't be too
careful, ask for all types
of meat very well done.
38) Write to the chef and
copy a guide when the
front of house screws
up.
39) I'd like a low fat,
single shot, decaf
cappuccino, hold the
mayo and make it
snappy.
40) Let the manager
know you share the
same barber and petrify
him about his
indiscretions.
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